A Garbage Can for Bombaman and a Heap of Junk for Pinkiepunk
Prologue (the bit at the beginning)
It’s nonsense. You must have written this when you were drunk,
it’s donkey’s years since I read so much bunk.
Watch your mouth, you fatuous flunk..
Well, your wife says that you like to drink….
I know, but think about it, if I did, I couldn’t think.
Furthermore, you should know by now that she likes to gripe,
but if I drank so much I couldn’t type.
I am used to hearing her sneer
if I open more than a can or two of beer.
One thing too, I don’t park myself all night in some cheap dim wit bar,
listening to idiots smoking low tar,
with some infected female perched on my knee.
I spend time at home with my children. Going out isn’t me.
Come on, every man likes to get out and have fun.
You listen, it’s now July 2004; the last time I went to a pub was October two thousand and one.
It’s not always the things people do.
I am just pointing out what some people think about you.
Catch this, pal. I couldn’t care less what you and others think.
In fact, I think most other opinions stink.
I only wrote it for my two
and enjoyed their smiles when I read it through.
that’s why I don’t listen to people any more,
most that I meet I find a bore.
Yes, just listen to any British housewife sunbathing by some swimming pool.
Yes, just like you, you oriental fool.
That’s outrageous! You’re a R A C I S T.
And I can see from your typing you’re a spacist.
Moreover, it’s Tony Hancock, so don’t blame me.
It’s from The Radio Ham, so sue the BBC.
I have heard of Birmingham and West Ham, but not Theradioham.
Is it far from London?
Bob the Tob and Pujek, selamat pagi, apa khabar?
good morning, Pujek, how are you?
Fine, and pleased to meet you too.
Bob and Pujek have come from very far.
a three mile shore called Lipat Bay,
where crab and surf and seagulls play
and fishing people speak Malay
onshore winds keep palms in motion,
your sweat is like a warm skin lotion,
a white hot sun burns the sea green ocean,
and people wait for the evening star.
Bob and Pujek have found a way
to pass their time throughout the day
and not to waste a minute’s pay
There’s a lot you can do when school is out,
be with your mates, run, cry and shout,
go here and there and run about,
but although it’s good to laugh and play,
there’s more you can think to fill your day
in a useful and exciting way.
Find out what Bob and Pujek do.
Take my hand, and they’ll show you
how to enjoy yourself the whole day through.
One special place they often go,
in summer sun, spring wind, or snow,
or when the holidays start to flow
is to the well-stocked local library
where they can borrow books for free,
a place where you would be surprised to find
so many things to excite a child’s mind,
when the pages you unwind
By reading many books, they can
learn about History and early man,
or Anatomy, the body and its bones,
or Geology, the Earth, its rocks and stones
There’s Geography with north and south,
oceans, waves, wide river mouth.
mountains, plains, far east and west.
For Bob and Pujek, they’re all the best.
Astronomy is about the Sun, Moon and stars.
Perhaps one day they can go to Mars.
Now that there seems to be water under its floor
it would be a most interesting place to explore
with Bob the Tob and Pujek..
And you?
Would you want to fly
so far in the sky, in a giant silver rocket?
Watch the Earth floating by,
as you climb up so high,
with tightly clenched hands in your pocket?
I thought so.
You can read about Palaeontology,
or ancient Earth biology,
the study of the dinosaurs,
who, for Jurassic eons roamed valley floors,
or fed in swamps, and using bloody jaws,
ran quite wild in jungle’s laws,
till a meteorite gave them time to pause.
Unfortunately, forever
There’s Tyrannosaurus, the lizard king
and Diplodocus, a big fat thing
Brontosaurus with his long sleek neck,
perfect for a long distance girlfriend peck
and Brachiosaurus, in some fetid swamp,
passes her time in rancid chomp
.
Mr Clippit has just told me.
‘It’s never too late to learn the piano’.
Would you agree?
Bob and Pujek have also found
out about the orchestra and big band sound,
what timpani, bass drum, tambourine,
the tubular bells, triangle mean,
oboe, trumpet, bassoon, and bass,
clarinet, flute in an overture race.
or a regiment band of silver and gold,
marching so stiffly, militarily bold.
A Polish musical joke.
If you go to an Italian restaurant in Warsaw, what music would they play?
The Pizzacato Polka
Ha ha ha ha ha hahahahaha Ed idiot
Bob and Pujek are
happy to do actually, much the same as you.
They practise the piano everyday,
keyboard hopping, so perhaps they may
become an act that can almost play
a Chopin waltz at dusk of day
in the Amsterdam Concertgebouw
but more probably if the audience have their way
in the pub or perhaps a less than high class bar.
What shall we have to eat?
An open air restaurant in fast food Shanghai,
a sizzling wok for a hot quick stir fry,
sucking up noodles, or spooning fried rice .
Yum yum, I love them, they’re both very nice,
or perhaps a more Western style chips, peas, and pie
in the pub on the banks of the cold running Wye,
or a cucumber, carrot, maize, celery crunch
with a chicken wing, lettuce, a crisp leafy lunch,
or making a pizza with tomatoes and cheese,
adding chicken of fish, you can do as you please.
we chat, laugh and drink while watching the cooking,
and an eight year old girl, when she thinks no-one’s looking,
is taking the meat from the side of my plate
to feed the stray cats that meowingly wait
in the hot concrete yard
where the ground is so hard
not far from the south China sea
remember the time when you took a hike
from the seat of your bike
by the tree
Mum was not happy.
After eating, they wander through
the countryside of bird and tree
where Bob and Pujek always knew
of nettle, wasp, bracken, centipede, bee,
gnat, and midge, butterfly, flower
with rain spark spots of a summer shower
Or into that garden you could go,
where you went three years ago
when and if sun breezes blow
and try to think what you could grow
and what it could turn out to be
under Granddad’s gnarled and twisting apple tree
At the back of my house, not far from the beach,
by the faded white wall that the sea winds reach,
a long time ago, when you were so free,
you planted the genes that grew into a tree
watching it growing higher and higher,
after some time, it produced a papaya.
and later, tomato and cucumber seeds
were buried in a patch just cleared of weeds
but evening mosquitoes came out in force
and you had to hurry inside, of course,
because Aedes is all the rage right now.
but Bob and Pujek can tell you how
to get rid of them in just one day.
You simply throw the water away
Now the evening comes, and as the light grows dark,
Bob and Pujek jog in the park
to exercise their legs and arms,
with pumping hearts, and sweating palms
making them work, blood rushing round,
sweating, panting, as they pound
the pathways in their tracksuit top,
dry throat swallow, ears pop
‘Back home now’ Pujek said
‘shower first, and then time for bed’
Get cosy, warm, with a pot of tea
for Bob and Pujek, you and me.
Then snuggle down, try warm your feet,
the pillows crunch, and new friends you meet
in dreams of lands so far away
that you try to reach by the break of day
and sleep with Bob and Pujek, you and me;
goodnight, nos da, and bonne nuit.
